In Limbo

I realize I've been ignoring this blog lately. Not that things haven't been happening in my life. On the contrary, life has been complicated, in both good and bad ways. I'm not really sure what to write about it all just yet, and I don't have the sense that anything can be summed up in one nice, clean anecdote (but it's always so nice when that works out), so I'm going to ignore the blog for just a little while more until something truly post-worthy comes along. (Never fear, the Wamboldts together around the holidays is sure to produce at least one memorable story...)

Until the next/more detailed/more thoughtful/funnier/all-around-better post, I'll leave you with this:

Thanks, Drew Carey!!

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”

Big Realization

I (finally) came to the conclusion that I want to go to grad school. Some part of me has known all my life that I would at some point have to/be expected to do get some post-grad education, but all summer and fall, I really haven't been able to even stomach that thought. Most of it, I think, was burnout at the thought of going through the rigamarole of more applications, exams, stress and general academic BS, but I think more of it was my being uncomfortable with the idea of my own privilege. I didn't (and don't) want to go on for more schooling just because I could - because I could get accepted and figure out a way of financing it, or worse, because I couldn't think of anything better to do with myself. My guilt at the idea of having too many opportunities available to me no doubt stems from the incredible experiences I've been lucky enough to have so far, from seeing so many people who aren't afforded the same opportunities to "succeed" as I am. Strikingly, it is my own privileged upbringing (due to my parents' diligence and value of higher education) that has made me resent the notion of higher education for myself, of seeing it as a personal indulgence. It's quite a perverse conclusion, if not an uncommon one.

In any case, I think grad school is indeed in my future! I came to the realization that I could actually use the extra training to do a lot more good for others and for myself, and so I'm committed and actually looking forward to the idea. Sadly, I came a little late to the party, and am too late to actually get any apps out this year, so we're looking at a fall 2009 matriculation. Sigh. Let's hope my enthusiasm can last that long... I suppose the silver lining is that it gives me a ton of time to actually prepare myself, and to do my research on programs, make myself a better candidate, etc. Any suggestions on programs/opportunities for school (or cool experiences in the meantime) are more than welcome.

Borderline Sexual Harassment = Bad.

I think I win for obvious statement of the week.

Annoying Attorney A*** is a man who is known by all the paralegals at the firm as the guy you don't want to get stuck working with. He's a little out-of-control with his OCD ("Did you double-check it? Would you check it again? I'm going to re-check that with you one more time."), and has a knack for making unreasonable demands. On one memorable occasion, he told me that my photocopying skills were sub-par because, and I quote, "the black ink isn't black enough."

However, I put up with him fairly well, if only to catalogue all his idiosyncrasies and laugh at them later, so naturally, this means that he has taken a liking to me and frequently asks me to do his bidding. Recently, though, he's made a few comments to me that I am at a complete loss to know what to do with, given their suggestive and borderline inappropriate nature. Keep in mind that we're talking about a very, VERY awkward guy, who I keep telling myself is only trying to be friendly and is inadvertently falling on the wrong side of that delicate line of what is/is not OK to tell to someone who works under you. (Maybe I'm just in denial because I don't really want to consider the implications of what it would actually entail for me if I did eventually decide that he crossed that boundary, but he's a competent attorney -- he's got to know better than to hit on me, right? Right? OK, let's really not think about that. I'll cross that bridge if it ever comes down to it, but I don't really honestly see that happening. God, I hope not.)

He remarked to me about a week ago about how my outfit looked "really good on me," which I wrote off as a compliment that went awry. Yesterday, however, he upped the ante a bit and brought creepy to a new level. I was in his office looking through pictures of the jail (which on a completely unrelated note is much less scary-looking than I had imagined), and when we got to the photos of the shower area, he busted out with this:

"Krystyna, how would you like to take a shower there? You know, with all those guys in the cellblock watching? I guess you'd have that little curtain there, but that doesn't do much. Or you could just take a bath."

I ask you all: HOW THE HELL DOES ONE RESPOND TO THAT?? Answer: By mustering a face that (hopefully) appropriately expressed my utter shock at having my superior insinuate that I would be naked in a shower... with people watching... in a jail context... It was awkward to an extreme. So yeah. Ack. I doubt this will evolve into anything other than an unfortunate pattern of semi-questionable remarks, but should it turn into anything lewder, rest assured that I will deal with it. I am, after all, surrounded by hundreds of high-profile attorneys who would no doubt jump on the chance for a juicy sexual harassment pro bono assignment. That is one bizarre perk of working at a corporate law firm where a tarnished image could turn into a huge liability.