Big Realization

I (finally) came to the conclusion that I want to go to grad school. Some part of me has known all my life that I would at some point have to/be expected to do get some post-grad education, but all summer and fall, I really haven't been able to even stomach that thought. Most of it, I think, was burnout at the thought of going through the rigamarole of more applications, exams, stress and general academic BS, but I think more of it was my being uncomfortable with the idea of my own privilege. I didn't (and don't) want to go on for more schooling just because I could - because I could get accepted and figure out a way of financing it, or worse, because I couldn't think of anything better to do with myself. My guilt at the idea of having too many opportunities available to me no doubt stems from the incredible experiences I've been lucky enough to have so far, from seeing so many people who aren't afforded the same opportunities to "succeed" as I am. Strikingly, it is my own privileged upbringing (due to my parents' diligence and value of higher education) that has made me resent the notion of higher education for myself, of seeing it as a personal indulgence. It's quite a perverse conclusion, if not an uncommon one.

In any case, I think grad school is indeed in my future! I came to the realization that I could actually use the extra training to do a lot more good for others and for myself, and so I'm committed and actually looking forward to the idea. Sadly, I came a little late to the party, and am too late to actually get any apps out this year, so we're looking at a fall 2009 matriculation. Sigh. Let's hope my enthusiasm can last that long... I suppose the silver lining is that it gives me a ton of time to actually prepare myself, and to do my research on programs, make myself a better candidate, etc. Any suggestions on programs/opportunities for school (or cool experiences in the meantime) are more than welcome.