Bertrand Russell wrote that "one of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important." No offense to you, Mr. Russell, but I'm going to have to respectfully disagree on this point.
I'd have to say that the root cause of my own impending psychological collapse is the fact that I constantly struggle to find, well, any redeeming value in my work. Having taken a crappy entry-level job out of economic necessity (I think the train of thought just before graduation went something like: I want to live in DC, DC is expensive, cool jobs are hard to find without more work experience, therefore, I must compromise a little in order to feed myself), I am now confirming in fact the belief that I once held only in theory: corporate life blows.
Holding a job description that might read something like "doing the bidding of arrogant and scatterbrained lawyers," I am alternately called to work insanely long hours during the run-up to their deadlines, or to sit aimlessly for days at a time when there is really nothing that needs to be done. Right now, I'm definitely in the doldrums. I have pretty much exhausted the excitement of the internet itself, having viewed just about every random site and watched every inane video avaliable... twice.
Don't tell me "oh, I wish I had that luxury. If only I had too little work to do!" Really, not only is it a little inherently condescending, but it's also untrue. While having free time on occasion (like at nights and on weekends) is wonderful and also quite necessary to a person's sanity, sitting around during normal work hours pondering how your nascent work skills are completely underutilized and your once-active brain going to rot is not, I should stress, a pleasant feeling. I like goofing off on occasion as much as the next person, but I also want to make a difference in the world, at least in some small way, and I'd really like to be able to put myself to use in some more-than-marginal capacity. If this requires hard work, then bring it on. I couldn't be more ready.
20.9.07
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3 comments:
Hmmm... doesnt appear like this helps with the issues brought about by the last post, either! LOL I assume you're using the down time to look for another job?
I encourage you to cut bait with this job and find something that drives and motivates you! I've been where you are (several times! What a bummer that I *allow* it to happen repeatedly!), and it does NOT get any better, mentally or emotionally. Dream big, sister!
My best!
I'm glad I'm a blog you stalk! It makes me happy that people are reading. I didn't know you had one; I found it through Sam.
I have a friend who, a few summers back, found himself caught in the most mind-blowingly boring internship in existence. He was assigned no work, and when he tried to be proactive, he was told he would be called upon when needed. Worse yet, his inactivity was strictly supervised, so even goofing off was out of the question.
He eventually discovered, however, that nobody saw it as goofing off if he was writing emails. So, he started up a correspondence with old friends. He was amazed to discover that, while he would be reprimanded if he perused a sports website for even a moment, he could write epic tomes of emails and no one asked any questions. Eventually, he set up a Gmail account, and started writing a novel over email, and sending it to himself in sections. By the end of the summer, he had a draft of a 350 page book, and he had done it all from his desk.
Best of luck in the corporate grind. May you find joy in this yet.
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